Month: February 2014

My plea to men

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Nope.  This is not one of the mushy, romantic, ooo-I-Love-him articles.  It may have its moments but I can’t promise you anything.  It is also not a man-bashing article.  It is about empowering the man.  Yes, in a society driven by and that caters to men, there is still a way to empower them.  There is one thing I wish all men would do.  In my eyes it’s not a difficult thing to do.  It may just require some…rewiring of the brain, reversal of some concepts and taking responsibility.   Okay this may be harder than I thought.

Men, here is my plea:

Please, please, PLEASE quit subscribing to the notion that “a man will be a man.”  If you knew any better then you would understand that not only does it put you into a box, but it also sends the message that you have no control over the things in which you involve yourself.  You are so much smarter and greater than what society gives you credit for.  Listen,

You can walk away from that sexy girl throwing her gift-wrapped vagina at you. You know you are in a committed relationship.  You have the strength to walk away.  Yes, society tells you that men are hyper-sexual creatures with no control but I have faith in you.

You can befriend the openly gay man AND NOT BE GAY.  Unfortunately, we live in a society (especially in the black community) that sees gayness as a contagious disease.  It’s not.  And it damn sure doesn’t make you less of man for having a gay friend.

You can listen to your woman when she has a problem.  “Men don’t listen.”  Yes, you do.  Yes, you can.  When she tells you that she got you tickets to see your favorite team, that she wants to try something really freaky, or wants to take you to your favorite concert you listen.  So, we know you can listen when we need to vent or have an issue that needs to be solved.

You can communicate effectively.  For some reason, society has painted men as people that do not talk.  They don’t know what to say, when to say, or how to say it.  I do not believe that you are all a bunch of bumbling idiots.  Don’t allow that to be the standard for you.

You can keep yourself from sexually assaulting a woman that is dressed in revealing clothing.  (Yes, I have had men argue this point …………… disturbing I know.)  Nothing more to be said here. 

You can show emotion and not be weak.  Now, I know I haven’t said anything to the women, mainly because I wanted it to be all about you, but some women are the biggest perpetrators of this one.  “If I wanted to hear crying I would talk to my girls!”  It’s kind of hard to open up to that.  I know you have feelings.  I also know that by showing them you are perceived as weak.  Never letting those emotions out can be detrimental to your emotional and mental health.  I’m assuming (not a doctor here) that is why weeks after the end of relationship the woman is typically happier and the man is finally sad.  You tried to dismiss those feelings and pretend it didn’t hurt.  Deal with your emotions head on.  It’s good for you.

You can show emotion and not be gay.  Along with the previous paragraph let me just add that being gay does not equal woman.  And woman does not equal to weak.  See the circular thinking there? 

You can show emotion and still be respected.  See the previous two paragraphs.  If someone, male or female, cannot respect you for showing your emotions then Hasta La Vista, baby. 

When women expect you to be able to do these things we are not asking you to be superhuman.  It’s just that we believe you are a great enough man to be able to do it.  We are giving you the highest honor by saying,

“We believe in you.  We trust you.  We know you have this greatness in you.”

You are bigger than “a man will be a man.”  So, the next time you hear that phrase and it is used in a way to relieve you of responsibility, intelligence or, worst of all, POWER, you should stop that person.  You should tell that person that it is because you are a man, a great, intelligent and powerful person, that you are not bound by the social construct of a man.  

In a time where the emasculation of men is a hot topic, understand that this contributes greatly.  The only person that can emasculate you, is you. 

You are in control of you.  You are better than the box in which society has placed you.  Break out.  And, please, bring your brothers with you.

America: Your ugly is showing

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America.  The nation where all others migrate in order to find freedom, liberty and to pursue their happiness.  A nation that was ‘founded’ by immigrants and built on the backs of immigrants.

So, if America is truly the land of the free and this melting pot of cultures why was there such outrage at the Coca Cola commercial?  You know, the one that truly depicted America and its diverse people?  Why such outrage at the little boy from San Antonio singing the national anthem?  Why such hatred at Mark Anthony, an American born man, for singing the Star Spangled Banner?

I think I have an answer.  Follow me here.

If the only view you have of the outside world comes from the media, it is easy to believe that all Latinos are illegal immigrants birthing their little immigrant children here in your country.   All Muslims and Arabs are terrorists.  Asians are extremely smart kung fu master spies.  And us blacks… well you know we rape, cheat, steal and kill.  No minority in this country is positively represented on a large scale in the media.

Those that expressed their (foolish) outrage via social media were indeed upset.  These minorities in this commercial were being depicted as humans…as equals.  When you take America, the Beautiful and you weave other languages in with the English version you are putting everyone on the same plane.  You are saying that we all matter, we all are equal, we all are Americans.  In a society that privileges white skin, its disturbing to some to see their privilege being weakened.  The first step to that is showing that not only whites are happy in this country.  Not only whites are successful.  Not only whites are living the American Dream.  Coca Cola basically said America is no longer represented by the white face, but by all faces and all languages.

These people were not kept in their place.  Coca Cola didn’t get the memo obviously.  If you are not white, or at least passing, you cannot publicly represent America.  So, all of us minorities need to go back to our places in the shadows.  This is the country of white people.  White people are happy.  White people laugh and smile while they drink their cokes.   White people and white people only can sing America, The Beautiful or the Star Spangled Banner…. oh, and Whitney Houston.

#Murica

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I do this for me….not men.

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For some odd reason,  some men (and even women) seem to think that everything a woman does is for their benefit.  Wrong.  I can’t speak for all women, but I’ll definitely speak for myself.

Getting into shape
Okay, when it comes to losing weight and getting into shape I tend to be one that goes through this process a lot.  I lose it.  Life happens.  It comes back.  I start the process again.  However, no matter what there is always a man that says,

“Baby, you don’t need to lose nothing.  I like them thick.”

Ummm… sorry to bust your bubble but I’m not losing weight and getting in shape to please you.  It’s my health I’m worried about.  It’s my clothes that I want to look and feel good in.  It’s my own body I want to see in the mirror naked and be like, “Damn, you are sexy!” It’s my own happiness that I’m taking into account.  Not yours.  Sorry. 

Wearing revealing clothes
Short skirts?  I own plenty.  Cut-off shorts?  You bet.  Low-cut tops?  Yes.  Freak-em dresses?  Absolutely.  I don’t buy or wear these things for your benefit.  I wear them because I feel like I look good in them.  I feel good when I feel I look good.  While I appreciate the compliments do not, for one moment, think I get dressed with you in mind. 

While we are on revealing clothing, know that you can think anyway you want.  However, that does not mean your thoughts are truths.   No, my skirt isn’t short because I have daddy issues.  My dad treats me like a princess.  No, my shirt isn’t low because I am looking for a fuck-buddy.  I could just as easily find one of those in a turtleneck.  No, my dress isn’t tight because I don’t know my worth.  I guess my self-worth changes because I have clothing for every occasion.

Oh, and no, my clothing does not entitle you to any part of my body.  You can look, admire, hell you can even fantasize.  But keep your grimy hands to yourself unless invited.  Thanks.

Cooking and cleaning
I did not learn to cook or clean for the benefit of gaining a man.  I cook because I like to eat.  So does my son.  Oh, and it’s cheaper to cook than to eat out.  I clean because I don’t want to live in a mess…although I tend to fail at that at times.

I would hope that when I get into a relationship that my guy will also know how to cook and clean.  I mean, these are simple survival skills, right? 

Make-up and weave
I don’t know how many facebook posts I come across daily of men saying things like this:

“Women: men do not like all that make-up! “

“I don’t know why y’all wear all that weave!  We want a real woman!”

Forgive me for being frank, but who the hell said that it was for you to begin with?  I’m not sure where this narcissistic thinking comes from, but news flash:  EVERYTHING A WOMAN DOES IS NOT TO PLEASE YOU!  I wear make-up not as a necessity but as an accessory.  And while I am a natural-haired woman right now, I have and will again wear weave.  Not because men like long locs but because I like to change up my look.  Side note: a lot of the men that claim to hate make-up and weave love them some Beyonce, Trina and every other female celebrity.

In closing…
Now, I’m not saying this is for ALL men.  I know that some of you understand that women are fully capable or doing things for herself.  However, there are men (and women) that seem to believe that everything we do is to please a man or to find a man.  A lot of the time, we do it for us.  You can come up with every reason you would like in your mind.  Just know that you just might be wrong. 

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